I see now why this road is less travelled.

Is a phrase on a mug  that i’ve just bought from the website belonging to Thom Rutledge. He’s an expert in eating disorders…so i’m still stuck in this stupid illness.

I’ve not blogged for some time. This is mainly due to work and IT reasons. Work is great and i passed my probationary period without a problem Work is very manic though. Thursday i worked from 8.15 to 18.20 with less than an 30 minute break. I had 3 complicated cases and a child protection case amongst the many interviews. I also had to terminate an interview for the first time due to the person being intimidating and aggressive. I felt secure and well supported by the front line staff and security.

Health-wise things have been complicated. I went sleepwalking at mum in law’s house on Christmas Eve and destroyed her stainless steel kitchen bin – and my shoulder in the process. I found out on Tuesday that the hospital think my best chance of recovery is hydrotherapy – which would mean me in a swimming suit, in a shared pool (male and female). With the scrawny body that i have this fills me with humiliation and dread. I’m having problems with my red and my white blood cells and have been on antibiotics for about 5 months continuously for sinus and ear infections. Anorexia-wise things are tough. I’m losing again and struggling to keep to my meal plan. I don’t understand how i can hate my scrawny body so much yet be so terrified of weight-gain. I’m going to start seeing a new psychologist in the next few weeks at the ED unit. The psychiatrist is tinkering with my meds as my mood has been going South. Also on Tuesday i had a joint meeting with my team at the unit. They feel i have some unhelpful coping mechanisms alongside the anorexia including my Masters degree. I came away from the meeting feeling like my identity was being torn up in front of me.

I did really well with my MA and i want to finish it this year with my peers. I think mood-wise it would be dangerous not too. I’ve also invested so much time in research.

Ray and the Mafiosi are great. Those Mafia cats are still getting into all sorts of mischief but i love them so. They are so different to the 2 terrified felines i brought home.

Practice-wise things are also complicated due to the breaking up of the Amida Trust…so i’m taking stock and trying to work out where i want to go with my practice.