Ray and i had a stroll through Norfol Park on Wednesday before going to see The Orphanage at the Showroom. We saw this little chap on our way out of the Park.

I’ve not blogged in awhile…i’ve been very busy with my new job (now four months in), and college. Most evenings i get home and flomp, utterly tired out from the day - both physically and mentally. I enjoy the job, and seem to be good at it. Considering i’ve spent my entire life hiding from figures i find it amusing that i work with them now (this is by accident)…i’m glad i’ve got this chance to slay that dragon of fear i’ve always had. Numbers used to make me cry very easily. Well, not the numbers themselves, but all of the emotional baggage i have with numbers. They have an ability to make me feel 7 years old all over again. Although my day is spent processing numbers, these numbers represent homes, and people.

Numbers can mean so many different things.

Tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of my Nan’s death. Another number loaded with emotion. On one level i can’t believe 10 years has gone by, it still feels so fresh and raw. I can still hear the nurse phoning me. I was working on the other side of London at the time and I’d just got in from work after an hour and 3/4 commute. I didn’t believe what i was being told - i did truely believe she was either lying or had got it wrong. Nan was the picture of health a few days before. She might have been 102, but she wasn’t ill. I kind of thought she would go on for ever. The person i was living with at the time drove me over to the hosptial as i tried to get through to my two sisters to give them the news. Sadly, the nurse was right.

Nan was a grandma to me, a friend, and a mum rolled into one beautiful person. I tell myself of course it hurts that she has gone, how could such a huge part of my life be gone and i not hurt? Ten years on i’m kind of used to her not being here ( i would love to tell her all about the politics course i’m doing, and i know she’d be proud of me working in social housing…then there is Ray, he never met this person who nurtured me and taught me to fight social injustice…i really wish Ray had met her…although they would have made a good team at teasing me). The pain i’ve realised will probably never go, and that is sometimes hard to deal with.

Today at work people noticed i wasn’t my usual self, and when asked what was up my answer was “life”, because life is bitter sweet. Without the hardships and the pain, we wouldn’t appreciate the good stuff. I was grateful for deadlines today which meant i could just immerse myself in numbers, and hide in them.

Thank you Mudita for sharing this video, i thought it was only my cat who behaved like this.

Christmas came and went in whirl this year. Little dramas like our washing machine dying and my paypal account being hacked into aside it was a very lovely whirl. We went across the Pennines to Wigan to spend it with Ray’s family. I wasn’t well enough to travel across last Christmas so it was another positve reminder of how my health has improved. It was a special time and i found it hard to leave. Maisy was well looked after by our neighbour Linda, but gave us plenty of cuddles on our return.

I went back to work yesterday for a half day. I’m still finding it hard to believe that i’m back at work and in such a great job. On the way home i treated myself to an acupuncture session and a massage (i realise 16 needles inserted in various parts of the body might not be everyone’s idea of a treat)…the session was great and i came home zinging with energy and feeling a lot less pain. After a lovely supper with Ray i had a long soak in a glittery bath thanks to Lush, with candles burning on the edge of the bath. As a way to spend the last day of the year it was pretty close to perfect, and could become a tradition. I managed to stay awake (just) for the chimes of Big Ben at midnight coming through the radio.

Today has been a lazy day too. Ray and i had a service, followed by a short walk and a game of Pooh Sticks in the drizzle. A gentle way to start 2008. 

Well i’ve worked almost 3 weeks in my new job and i’m loving it. It’s hard, brain taxing stuff, but i like it. There are many layers to it, and i don’t think i’ll ever learn it all, although i’m picking things up fairly quickly. I come home pretty exhausted each night, but I feel a sense of achievement. Today i got my first payslip (and my first in 2 years) and i was a giddy goat. Words can’t tell you how chuffed i am to get it, i’ve worked hard for that money, and i’m grateful to be able to be back in work. My bank manager will probably faint at their being funds in my account, and just to really cheer me up the tax man didn’t take a slice as i’ve received so little money in benefits that i haven’t reached the tax threshold. I can’t go crazy with money (fortunately) as i don’t have a bank card. My Pay Pal account got abused by a company in America this week (unfortunately) and i’ve had to cancel my card. It is however a good way to start the New Year…so to anyone who reads this blog i wish you well over the festive season and may 2008 bring peace, joy and health to you.

Well i’ve survived and enjoyed my first week at work. It is very different from the  job i thought i was going to be doing , but it is very interesting and i’m happy to be in this role. I work as part of a team collating performance figures from the different aspects of the Vacant Management Unit, and try and find out why targets have been missed, and find ways of improving staff training and development. Great stuff to get my teeth into. Of course i want to run before i can walk, and i have a lot to learn about procedures and computer systems…all of which i want to know NOW! It is odd leaving home in the dark and returning home in the dark, so it was lovely to see the back garden today -  and to see a robin hopping along under the bird table.

I’ve been tired but not as tired as i feared i would be. Ray has fortunately been off this week so he has taken over making supper and doing the shopping. I think that’s been quite helpful fo Masiy, she can get used to me not being here all day, but have Ray around for company.Ray has spent the last 2 days in Narborough on the last part of the Bodhi retreat at the Buddhist House with friends - i’m looking forward to hearing all about it this afternoon when he returns home.

The temperature has dropped throughout today and heavy rain batters the study window as i type. I’ve just finished my second assignment for college, and i’m now working on teaching myself Excel for work on Monday. I could be feeling bored, but i feel too excited about being back out in the world again.

November seems to be flying by. Normally when i look forward to something time grags and drags, each day seems to feel the anticipation and decide to slow down. This month i’ve had a few things to look forward to. First there was the lovely evening with Dharmavidya and Prasada - “Meet Amida”. The second is my new job. I start on the 3rd of December and the contract is signed and i’m busy trying to get myself organised before the start date. There are things i want to get done around the house, college work i want to get ahead on, and clothes to be sorted for work are among the list of things to do. I’ve hardly had time to blog.

One thing i have been making time for each week is a massage. A Chinese herbalist opened earlier in the summer and i took up a special offer on a course of massage. It’s just 8 minutes working on my neck, shoulders, and back, but it’s amazing the amount of work that can be done in a short period of time. Initially after 6 minutes my back was screaming for the massage to end, such is the strength of the pettit Chinese woman massaging me. Now, after 8 minutes i’m feeling energised and my back quite happy. She doesn’t have much Enlgish, but her co-worker does, so we tend to talk with him acting as an interpteter. Often they will chat in their native language while she massages my back, i find it soothing - these words i have no understanding of float over me. It’s like two treatments in one.

It’s common these days to open a newspaper and see a story that just makes me wonder about humanity.

This weekend i read in The Independent Sunday that Westminster Council want to ban ‘nuisance’ soup runs as they are a threat to public order. They have come up with a plan that allows food to be given out if it is for promotion - ie a pot noodle, but not food free food to the vulnerable.  Sigh.  

An opportunity to hear about a socially engaged spirituality from two respected Pureland Buddhist teachers with the Amida Trust

Thursday 8th November, 6.30 – 9.00pm
at
The Quaker Meeting House,
10 St James Street, Sheffield, S1 2EW

Spirituality + Arts + Social Action + Buddhist Practice + Chaplaincy + Buddhist Psychology + Healing + Writing + Peacework + Interfaith + Writing + Aid + Research + Volunteering + Groupwork

This is a free event, all welcome!
Hosted by Amida Sheffield: Tel 0114 272 4290